Monthly Archives: July 2011

Eina

WARNING: Heavy post. Don’t read on if you’re fragile, preggies or ttc.

 

Most of the old guard here know that I had a scarily scary health episode last year. Flu virus attacked heart and heart muscle partially succumbed.

I am on the mend and hope to be around for many years to come still. At my worst, my heart function was 23%. As of my last check-up, I was at 34%. Ideally I should be at 40 – 45 to keep the vultures away.

Downside of all of this though is that I am not allowed to put any pressure on heart. No running, no physically demanding activities and no more babies.

Before the heart episode I always said that Thomas would most probably be my only child as I want to give him the best shot in life that we can. After heart episode and being told no more babies, we were still fine about it but had bits of sadness that it was no definite. No maybes.

We had to wait until February for check-up with cardio to confirm that my heart can definitely not handle another pregnancy and then make the decision to either spay me or neuter husband.

Unbeknown to us… a little invader invaded my uterus at the end of January and made him/herself very comfortable. Once I came out of hospital after my diagnosis, I had to stop the Pill as well because of the risk of clotting. We were using condoms but you know mos…

So when my ‘monthlies’ started at the end of March (the duration of my monthlies had been very erratic), I still had no inkling of what was about to happen to me. Something about the blood was just not looking right. I called my gynae and tried to explain best I could what I was seeing and feeling. I was in pain.

Gynae asked me to come see him and proceeded to tell me that I was pregnant and spotting! Imagine my shock. Anyhoo. I went for a scan and they were able to date the pregnancy and also tell that it was no longer viable. He couldn’t find an anaesthetist who wanted to take on my dodgy heart so he sent me home while he tried to find a brave anaesthetist.

Hmmm. Not fun. Cried my eyes out when my boys dropped me off that night. Thomas had just settled down after my previous hospital stay so we didn’t want to freak him out again. We just told him that I had so much work that I needed to sleep there that night.

A huge part of me was scared that I would not wake up from this conscious sedation thing, another part was glad that I would at least not have to go through with this pregnancy with my death being a very loud and present danger and another part deep, deep down in my being was crying for this little person I would never get to meet.

Until now the bit of me that was glad to still be alive and not risk her life with what my cardio called an off-the-charts high risk pregnancy, has been in charge. A month after this my one SIL gave birth. This weekend my other SIL gave birth. Now the bit of me that was buried so deep down in me has decided she needs to talk and be listened to, hence this post.

She’s sad, very sad. She’s alive. But sad.

Thank you for listening.

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Damaged goods

My post yesterday (yup, still can’t do the link thing)and my feelings around the incident made me think of something.

Since Thomas was little I always told family and friends not to throw Thomas in to the air. That dangerous game favoured by family members (especially the tipsy ones) at most family gatherings.

I just didn’t want to deal with the consequences of a child damaged by some family member. My child was born perfectly formed and I was extremely grateful for that.

What would someone say to me if they dropped Thomas and damaged him? Oops, sorry? I’ll get you another one?

Or if their child whacked Thomas against the head and damaged his ears/eyes/brain? “Time out for you!”

And knowing now that Thomas is the only child I have and will have, I am especially careful with him. I am sending a perfectly formed and healthy child to school and would like to get the same child back every day. Thank you.

PS: The diplomat got a talking to and his mom made him apologise to Thomas and she apologised too. Said to please let her know if it happens again and she will take care of it. So all’s well in the mini United Nations.

Damaged goods

My post yesterday (yup, still can’t do the link thing)and my feelings around the incident made me think of something.

Since Thomas was little I always told family and friends not to throw Thomas in to the air. That dangerous game favoured by family members (especially the tipsy ones) at most family gatherings.

I just didn’t want to deal with the consequences of a child damaged by some family member. My child was born perfectly formed and I was extremely grateful for that.

What would someone say to me if they dropped Thomas and damaged him? Oops, sorry? I’ll get you another one?

Or if their child whacked Thomas against the head and damaged his ears/eyes/brain? “Time out for you!”

And knowing now that Thomas is the only child I have and will have, I am especially careful with him. I am sending a perfectly formed and healthy child to school and would like to get the same child back every day. Thank you.

PS: The diplomat got a talking to and his mom made him apologise to Thomas and she apologised too. Said to please let her know if it happens again and she will take care of it. So all’s well in the mini United Nations.

Diplomatic immunity se g*t!

Thomas is in a little school that’s a mini United Nations. They have Italians, Germans, Spaniards and Portuguese amongst others.

His two best friends are German and Italian. Last year the German was the favourite friend and this year the Italian is.

Now Thomas always comes home telling me how the German hit him or hurt him and I always check if he’s told teacher and if the German was punished. We’ve had a few playdates where I’ve seen the little guy in action and he does not play nice. I actually stopped our playdates because I couldn’t trust that I would not hurl him through the air.

And he does get punished. He usually gets a time out.

On Friday when we got home Thomas started crying that his ear was hurting. I asked him what happened and it turns out the German whacked him against the head with a plastic dolphin. I won’t tell you what exactly was going through my head but it was not nice.

DH reminded me that said German is the son of diplomats so I might want to reconsider my plans with him . . .

I retorted that when it comes to my son, no one has diplomatic immunity. I WILL deal with him.

Thank goodness I had a weekend in which to cool off. Yesterday, I spoke to Thomas’ substitute teacher (his teacher is on annual leave now) and made it very clear that I was not happy with the Diplomat and please can the Diplomat be separated from my son and please can she pay extra special attention to the SA-Germany relations from now on? Neither country can afford a diplomatic incident at the moment. And if they think Malema is dangerous, they have not seen this Mama Bear when her cub is in danger.

PS: I don’t hate Germans… some of my best friends are German. (Hallo Seb, Jen, Max, Naledi, Gunter, Karin, Susi, Frida, Robert, Bette, Matthias and Marlena.)

PPS: My son is no angel but he definitely does not hit/spit/bite/pinch anyone. Ask his teacher. 🙂

Thinking of you Sumanda . . .

And of course everyone else who are experiencing a bit of a downer at the moment.

Do you what you need to do.

Ask for the help you need.

And remember there are a lot of people rooting for you here in blogland.

Biiiiiiiiig Plus size hugs and wet smoochy (baby with open mouth) kisses!

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