Role models

I know, I know! Two blogposts on one day.

I started this year with no resolutions – long gave up on the weight loss crap I used to embark on every year.

This year I decided that:

1) I am tired of taking things lying down.

If you offend of hurt me, I will tell you

If you shortchange me (specially service providers and shops) I will tell you

If having you in my life costs me more (be it money, energy, time) than I can/want to give, I will tell you (and hopefully lose you).

2) Life is too short and my life is potentially even shorter due to my weakened heart:

So, me, my husband and son are all that matters

I cannot fix everything that is wrong with everyone around me, so I will not feel bad about it.

So it was with this vibe in my head, that I entered this year. So far I got replacements and apologies from Coke (bought flat Coke at the shop), got replacements and apologies from Kimberly Clark (Babysoft loo rolls without the doggies on it), ‘lost’ two oxygen thieves, and got an apology and refund from the Cable Car lot on Table Mountain for making my mom pay for Thomas even though he wasn’t 4 yet.

Great going so far.

Something that is not going so great so far is this: It being party season, we’ve been to a lot of parties and gatherings and even hosted some. I am by no means a conservative or overly religious person but what I’ve been noticing has been disturbing. Husband and wives barely being able to say two words to each other without ripping each others’ heads off. Husbands dissing their wives in front of others. Wives humiliating husbands in company. Husbands staying in one corner with the lads while the wives do the food, the kids and everything else. I’ve seen some spectacular meltdowns that had Elt and I grab Thomas, grab our basket and RUUUUN! Never mind the bottle of wine in the fridge or the steaks on the grill!

Wives having to wait on husbands while they smoke pot, hubbly bubbly or whatever crap and look after kids and do food and “relax”as well.

Elton and I decided that because our marriage is still so young (5 years) we don’t really want to be around people like that so we’ve slowly started phasing ourselves out of those circles. I look at couples who we know very well and who we think have/had the same marriage and values as us and they all seem to be going the way of these vrot apples amongst us and I will be damned if we go that way.

Couples with young marriages should be very careful about who they hang out with and who they surround themselves with because before you know it, you are like those people and the only way is down and it is UGLY.

I suppose it’s the same with life. The good role models just get on with their lives and not many people notice them because they have a quiet dignity about them. The bad role models are loud and out there and seems to be “cool” and before you know it, your husband’s in a corner with the lads chugging beer after beer while you are running your a**e off after the kids and taking 4 hours to finish a glass of wine and trying to chat to friends all while cooking/preparing food.

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Role models

  1. youunlimited

    Hear hear Shell. I decided my word for the year would be Kindness, in particular being kind to myself. This means putting myself first sometimes and being assertive. So far so good. I’ve had a modem replaced. I told a rude passive aggressive woman that her comments about the kids were unnecessary and not appreciated. In fact, this is a blog post all on its own. May your year continue to be rid of deadwood service and people.

    Reply
  2. youunlimited

    Hear hear Shell. I decided my word for the year would be Kindness, in particular being kind to myself. This means putting myself first sometimes and being assertive. So far so good. I’ve had a modem replaced. I told a rude passive aggressive woman that her comments about the kids were unnecessary and not appreciated. In fact, this is a blog post all on its own. May your year continue to be rid of deadwood service and people.

    Reply
  3. ludditelass

    Good for you girl and serendipity-do-dah. I just read an article yesterday in Scientific American about the top ten things successful parents do and number 3 (after No. 1: show their children love and affection in quality one-on-one time and No 2. Manage and reduce stress for themselves and their children(!)) is model good relationships especially with the co-parent! Here’s the URL if you’re interested: http://drrobertepstein.com/downloads/Epstein-What_Makes_a_Good_Parent-Scientific_American_MIND-NovDec2010-final_proof.pdf

    Reply
  4. ludditelass

    Good for you girl and serendipity-do-dah. I just read an article yesterday in Scientific American about the top ten things successful parents do and number 3 (after No. 1: show their children love and affection in quality one-on-one time and No 2. Manage and reduce stress for themselves and their children(!)) is model good relationships especially with the co-parent! Here’s the URL if you’re interested: http://drrobertepstein.com/downloads/Epstein-What_Makes_a_Good_Parent-Scientific_American_MIND-NovDec2010-final_proof.pdf

    Reply
  5. deblet

    I like the way you think.I made a decision many years ago to ditch the ‘dead’ wood,life is too short to fix all around you.Good luck with the year ahead.Husbands and wives need to respect each other or what is the point of a marriage.I am trying to be assertive and not be taken advantage of this year….big softie

    Reply
  6. deblet

    I like the way you think.I made a decision many years ago to ditch the ‘dead’ wood,life is too short to fix all around you.Good luck with the year ahead.Husbands and wives need to respect each other or what is the point of a marriage.I am trying to be assertive and not be taken advantage of this year….big softie

    Reply
  7. Helen_77

    I went through a stage of complaining about poor service etc. We as South Africans don’t complain enough and that’s why we get crap service. Perhaps I should start doing that again.

    Reply
  8. Helen_77

    I went through a stage of complaining about poor service etc. We as South Africans don’t complain enough and that’s why we get crap service. Perhaps I should start doing that again.

    Reply
  9. Squidsquirt

    It is very healthy to choose your friends carefully- after all, they will have some influence over you. I think it’s wise to take control, and hope it helps to build your marriage.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s