Monthly Archives: July 2013

I’ll give you R100 if nothing happens.

A colleague spent the weekend at her mom’s place and as one does when you’re home, you spoon with mommy (well if daddy is no longer in the picture).

She lives with her fiancé and sometime during the night while spooning with mommy, she got all ‘fidgety’ and just stopped short of groping mommy down under!! She says she woke up just in time before she actually groped, but still thinks her mom knew what she was about to do but they both didn’t say a word about it.

Reminds me of a friend of mine who went to Bloem with a business acquaintance once and due to a mix-up at the reception desk, they had to share a bed. Both male. Both very straight. My friend was the younger of the two and after thinking of all the scenarios in which they don’t have to share a bed, they had no option but to share a bed. Legend has it, the older guy offered to pay my friend R100 in the morning if no groping and touching happened!! My friend went on to have a lovely fullhouse breakfast with his spoils, albeit with an extremely stiff neck and body.

I’m a groper of note. Lucky husband! So consider yourselves warned . If you’re ever lucky enough to share a bed with me, there will be groping. Unless you pay me, I might just be able to stop myself for the right price.

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Laugh until something comes out your nose.

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On Saturday, we were cleaning house and had the telly on the music channels. It was 80s and 90s music and we were enjoying the blast from the past.

Out of nowhere, he says: Ah I love this music. No sweat dripping off balls and ho’s in every area code.

Well, you could have blown me down! I laughed so hard, stuff came out of my nose!

Just another reason why I love my husband. He can say something so hilarious in such a dry manner and bring the house down.

You cannot lick your bum-bums all the time!

Nala

We used to have a beautiful fat cat named Nala.

He joined our family when Thomas was a year old and they were brothers for two years, then Nala came home one morning after his morning gallivant, just laying there. When we tried to pick him up he howled like he had never howled before. It was awful. We managed to get him to the vet but he died on our way there. We suspect he was hit by a car.

It took us two years to get over Nala and this year we decided we’ve mourned Nala enough and we welcomed Simba into our home. Simba has the same personality as Nala and it sometimes feels like Nala’s back. Thomas has been having lots of fun and it’s nice to see him have a companion in the house again. They are so close, he even calls Simba his brother!

There’s only one problem with the new sibling, though. He licks his bottom (bum-bums) a lot. All the time. And it bothers his big brother. The other day I overheard this heart-to-heart conversation.

“Simba, if you want to be my brother, you cannot lick your bum-bums all the time. Maybe just when you bath.”

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You can call me . . .

Big Tom has many nicknames
Bubbchoo
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The Beeb
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Beebchoo
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Bubbaloo
Tomliboo
Beebchen
Tom-Tom
Beebie

So the other morning we were having our daily morning chats in bed before we get up.
BT: Mama, you can call me Beebie anytime but not when I’m with my friends, okay? Otherwise they’re going to think I’m still a baby.
Me: Okay, Beebie. I will try to remember.

Meep, gulp, eek! What’s happening to my Tomliboo?

Between the devil and the fairy

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Little devil?
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Little angel?

Last night just before bedtime, Thomas saw one of my tablets on my bedstand and picked it up to have a closer look. Between Elton and I, we have a whole lot of tablets to take, but we’ve always been very good about keeping it out of reach of little hands. We also taught the owner of little hands what to do if he should find one of our tablets on the floor or in a place it’s not supposed to be.

The tablet he was inspecting last night was one I had dropped a few nights ago and found again. I gently reminded him about the tablet rule in our house and this was his reply:

I know not to put it in my mouth, Mama. Even if the devil gets on my shoulder and tells me ‘come on Thomas, put it in your mouth. Eat it, you won’t die’. I will not listen to him. I will only listen to the fairy, because when I listen to her, I get sweets and stickers but when I listen to the devil, I have to go to time out. But the devil can never get on my shoulder as I am superfast!

Bon Joviiii, I love you!

When Bon Jovi was here in early May, husband and I spent lots of time talking about them (it was one of the things we had in common) and I was reminiscing about seeing them in 1995 and how cool it was to see them live.

It was the first concert my dad allowed me to go to. But if I think about it, I was already living on my own (albeit with my uncle). I just needed my dad to get me there and back.

So my friend Tania and I went in our skimpy little shorts, bikini tops and T-shirts. Great fun!

At one stage I got so carried away I shouted, Bon Joviii, I love you and lifted my top and my bikini top as well!

Big Tom is a boob man, so I got his attention when he heard I flashed my boobs at some other man. He asked me to repeat the performance, which I of course did. Much to his delight. His words?

Mama, you are so cool!

I hope he thinks so when I repeat the story when he’s older!

Exercise . . .

If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

Haha, saw this on FB recently. So very true when it comes to me.

In my youf, I used to like road running, I swam and played tennis. I then I did a stint with the old Health & Racquet, but I’ve never liked the idea of going to some indoor germfest to sweat and grunt for an hour.

After the second gym contract where I signed up for two years and barely clocked six straight months of consecutive attendance, I decided to call it a day.

And now in my old age and with diseased heart, I can definitely not do anything strenuous. I’m supposed to go see a biokineticist and join some group of oldies with surgery scars on their chests and play with balls and stuff, but that’s far too depressing.

So what do I do? I walk lots and fast. I run after Big Tom when he’s on his bike and I do the occasional ocean swim which is quite a workout!