Say it even if it burns your life to the ground…

If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you’re scared that it’s not the right thing. Even if you’re scared that it’ll cause problems. Even if you’re scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there.

You know that scene in Grey’s Anatomy where Jackson stands up at April’s wedding and tells her he loves her? I love that scene. I love the words that Mark Sloane told him, which played in his head while he was gathering up the courage to tell April how he felt about her.

For me that is the ultimate quote on love. I’m sure a lot of us wish we could be so brave. A few of my friends and people I know are burning their lives to the ground right now or did so recently and then there are others who really should but won’t.

Back in the day when I was single, this whole marriage thing was the last thing on my mind. I lived with my ex and what we had was mostly good. I would have been happy to just be in a long term partnership, but that was not to be back then. I then met Elton and he was different to the guys before him. He was a bit of a challenge and I accepted that challenge. He came from a conservative, religious background and I was a wild child. A really cool challenge.

I tend to agree with those scientific people who say humans are not made to be monogamous but I think it will take a whole lot of evolution to get the whole monogamous gene out of the gene pool. I don’t even know if it is a gene.

Before I knew it, I was all starry-eyed and ready to settle down and marry. Totes weird for me. I was thinking the other day: If I had to meet someone else and fall in love, would I be brave enough to burn my life to the ground? I would like to think I would be brave enough but I will of course be Cunt of the Decade if I do, because leaving a husband who is living with a rare disease has to be one of the cuntiest things to do. My MIL will finally be able to say “See, I told you guys, she’s no good. I always knew she’s a dirty girl.”

I always wondered why people stayed in relationships/marriages after the love has left. And always found the “we’re waiting for the kids to be older or he/she won’t survive me leaving them” a bit of a cop out.

If you are in a marriage or a long term relationship, would you be able to burn your life to the ground if you wanted to be with someone else? You don’t have to answer in public, just answer it in your head and maybe tell me one night after midnight when we’re both sitting at the bar nursing drinks and looking at the ashes of our lives. 🙂

PS: This does not apply to serial cheaters. I’m talking people who are in it for the long haul.

PPS: Yes my husband reads my blog.

PPPS: No, I have not met someone new.

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5 thoughts on “Say it even if it burns your life to the ground…

  1. runnermum

    Difficult question to answer if you are not in the situation. However for me – I think it will be a no because I won’t be able to survive the guilt of burning not only my own life but those around me to the ground.

    Isn’t there a saying? You can’t build happiness on a foundation of sadness?

    Reply
    1. nohappyeverafter Post author

      Indeedy, and to carry on with the Grey’s example, Jackson and April went through all kinds of hell after that wedding day and were in Splitsville by the time the season finale played out.

      Reply
  2. theunsaidtruths

    I am in two minds over this.
    For myself I don’t see this happening, ever. We have been together for 15 years now and have gone through a lot of harsh stuff, from my side as well as his. Even during the worst of this we talked and discussed solutions to our problems. We aren’t always honeymoon happy, but we are a united front to the problems outside our little family.
    However, since I grew up in a “divorced twice” family. Jup my mom and dad got married twice and divorced twice… to each other. Including physical and emotional abuse. One my dad the other my mom. Add to that alcohol abuse and mental health issues. I have to say that staying together isn’t always the right choice. It’s not the same situation, but I do believe that sometimes there is no alternative.

    Reply
  3. Deblet

    25 Years of marriage and he is still the love of my life.I cannot imagine life without him and after all we have been through the last few months I know we need each other to survive.I have never met anyone that I have even vaguely imagined spending my life with other than my husband,but then he’s a special guy.

    Reply

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