Monthly Archives: August 2015

Jeanette Winterson

Is one of my favourite authors. I discovered her at one of the best stages of my life. When I was discovering myself. Losing my mother at the age of 9 left me with a sadness that is hard to describe. In the words of Billy Bob Thornton. “I’ve only had a couple of times in my life when I was carefree… For a couple of years I felt OK, which is very rare for me. And then my brother died. I’ve never trusted happiness since.”

Jeanette came into my life at one of my carefree stages and she allowed me to trust happiness. Here are some of my favourite JW quotes.

“While I can’t have you, I long for you. I am the kind of person who would miss a train or a plane to meet you for coffee. I’d take a taxi across town to see you for ten minutes. I’d wait outside all night if I thought you would open the door in the morning. If you call me and say ‘Will you…’ my answer is ‘Yes’, before your sentence is out. I spin worlds where we could be together. I dream you. For me, imagination and desire are very close.”

What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don’t want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don’t want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you.” 

“I seem to have run in a great circle, and met myself again on the starting line.”  

“I have a theory that every time you make an important choice, the part of you left behind continues the other life you could have had.”  

“The body shuts down when it has too much to bear; goes its own way quietly inside, waiting for a better time, leaving you numb and half alive.”  

“Whoever it is you fall in love with for the first time, not just love but be in love with, is the one who will always make you angry, the one you can’t be logical about.”  

“I want someone who is fierce and will love me until death and knows that love is as strong as death, and be on my side forever and ever. I want someone who will destroy and be destroyed by me.”  

“Time that withers you will wither me. We will fall like ripe fruit and roll down the grass together. Dear friend, let me lie beside you watching the clouds until the earth covers us and we are gone.”  

“She looked at me like I was crazy. Most of my lovers do, and that’s partly why they love me, and partly why they leave”  

“What is more humiliating than finding the object of your love unworthy?”

Camping is fun!

This is a theme that comes up often. Mostly from the child housemate. But the adult housemate has also been known to suggest it or encourage it from time to time.

Right so how do I explain to them that camping is the last thing I would ever want to do? Like if I were on death row and I was given the option of going camping or getting the needle, the needle would win. Every. Time.

Up until the age of 9 when my mom died in a car crash, I had a reasonably ok life. Two kids, a devoted mom and a father who was mostly home (except those times he made babies with that other woman). After the crash in December 1985, my life was one looooong camping trip from hell.

Sharing a bed/close sleeping quarters with at least two people at any given time? Check
Not my own comfy bed I’m used to? Check
Not enough bedding in winter? Check
No electricity? Check
None of the yummy foods you’re used to at home? Check
Black coffee, pb& jam and tin foods? Check
Never enough loo paper? Check  (people who know me well, do you now get why I always have tons of loo paper in my house?)

And I think this is the case for many people I know and grew up with. Our lives were/still is one long friggin camping trip. So no, we don’t want to go camping. A close friend is 41 and she recently went to a friend’s wedding in America (friend paid for alles). It was the first time she did not have to share a bed with siblings, a child (she was a single mom for a bit) or husband! She said it felt unreal to have a bed all to herself for the first time in her entire life.

Housemate 1 grew up in reasonable comfort which means camping is an adventure for him. Housemate 2 is growing up in the kind of comfort that I didn’t even dream of as a child.

So in the spirit of reality check, I have shared my story with them and housemate 2 has now said he’ll be happy with camping at the bottom of our garden. That way I can still sleep in my bed and he gets to camp with housemate 1. Thankfully his entitlement levels are low and his empathy levels are high.