One was 40 last year and going for a mammogram was on my “now we’re 40 checklist”.
For some inexplicable reason, at my very first job, all new employees were sent for mammograms and chest X-rays back in the day. I was 19 and it was excruciatingly painful and the technology was medieval. Two HEAVY steel plates. Bugger. Damn and Arse.
It’s fair to say I was not looking forward to the 2nd mammogram of my life. Not even the most roughest man-handling back in my riotous youth or breastfeeding (sore nips, teething babe) can compare to this.
And while I was waiting for the machine to be prepped, I of course went THERE. “If they find a lump, I will book a mastectomy AT ONCE. I don’t want chemo. I don’t want IT to spread. They have done their job (gave me the best goddamn fun a girl could have and it fed my gorgeous baby), so OFF with them. I know, right?! Drama much?
The actual squishing of the boobs was not sore AT ALL. New technology and all. But what was deeply distressing, was the sight of my boobs as they were being squished. It was enormous (think skottel braai) and flat and looked nothing like I remembered. And afterwards, they just hung there rather limp and defeated.
My boobs used to be my pride and joy pre Thomas. I suspect my dad or people who know him reads my blog so let’s just say “my girls” were of great benefit to me back in the aforementioned riotous youth and when I look back and reminisce about their surpassing splendor, I want to sob.
Good news, I am lump-free in the boobage, lumps everywhere else thanks to FOOD and WINE, but where it matters, there are no lumps to be detected.
PS: If you are over 40 and have not been for a mammogram yet, because you think it will be painful, take it from ole wussy here, it’s not. And you should love your boobies enough to check them monthly AND to go for a mammogram as recommended.
PPS: If we’re ever camping and the person who was supposed to bring the skottelbraai forgot, I’ve got it covered. I reckon my “skottelbraais” can make breakfast for 10 pax easily. 🙂